Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
