went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Randomize
