she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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