The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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