In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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