Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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