Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
