The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
