it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
