Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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