Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize