so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
