On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i now understand why vodka
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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