Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize