I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
