Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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