just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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