You smell like stripper and shame
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
