Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
