Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i will never coherently bang her
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
