As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Panties = found
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
