need another drink. this is the easiest way
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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