He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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