I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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