so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
