i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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