dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
