perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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