Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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