Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
