i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
