can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
