I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
