i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
