Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
