I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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