ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Still dying that you shit outside
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
