she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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