3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
