Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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