I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
