i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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