im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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