I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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