R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just invented taco cereal.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
