I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
