Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
