i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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