so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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