I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
