I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
