She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
