she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
