help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
