Are we in a gay sports bar?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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