I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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