Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
