Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just high enough for therapy.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
