I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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