Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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