I could have mohawked her pubes.
i will never coherently bang her
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
