Your face is a jimmy john
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
