he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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