id be glad to
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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