is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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