I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
