Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
