he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
