So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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