And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
