I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
