a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
