margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
