just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize