I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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