It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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