It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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