evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
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