How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
