Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
