You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
