You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
